Back when all this foolishness started, I was simply an unabashed B-movie fan. Next thing I knew, thanks to DVD Talk honcho Geoff Kleinman, I was a fan with a column. Now, after much handwringing, I've decided to end CineSchlock-O-Rama -- my five-year celebration of fringe cinema. But I remain and always will be a B-movie fan.

I used to tell folks I loved "bad movies." I've since realized that's a flawed statement. No entertaining movie is truly bad. Production value. Acting. Special effects. Ultimately, none of that really matters. Is it entertaining? That's the overriding test and why I find just as much joy in the rough hewn gems of a Herschell Gordon Lewis as I do the blistering brilliance of Hitchcock, Leone or Welles.

Maybe I'm just wired different, yet it's how I feel, and followers of my column affirmed this strange affinity. You, the CineSchlockers, shared in and fanned my enthusiasm through the years. For that, I'm most grateful.

While yours truly may be saying "So long!" to schlock business, I'm leaving y'all in equally deranged hands -- keep an eye peeled for an all-new genre column!!! DVD Stalk will feature a half-dozen of my most demented DVD Talk cohorts holding forth on all manner of horror and cinematic sin. I'm certain you'll dig it. In fact, CineSchlockers who regularly receive my e-mail missives are already subscribed!

Who knows, maybe this schlockmeister may even join in now and then. For the moment, though, I think I'm just going to enjoy being a fellow CineSchlocker.

In schlock,
Noel

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After the jump: CineSchlock-O-Retrospective

This could be known as The Year of the Reissue or The Year Hollywood Made Good. Three flicks on my Top 10 were previously available on lesser DVDs -- two even ranked on past Best of Schlock lists ('00, '01, '02, '03, '04).

The pull between old and new was also revealed in reader voting for the CineSchlockers' Choice award honoring 2005's best genre title. All told, The Devil's Rejects was edged out by Fox's two-disc dive into a veritable plasma pool of bonus features -- earning The Fly: Collector's Edition this year's CineSchlockers' Choice mantle!!!

Congrats to all who made this long-awaited ode a reality! It's certainly on MY list along with nine other must-haves. Here they are in very particular order:

1. High Tension -- Exploiteers have long traded in cheeky warnings or breathless disclaimers pleading with audiences to beware before laying peepers on the flickering horrors ahead. Insta-auteurs Alex Aja and Greg Levasseur could've done the same for High Tension -- and actually meant it. This flick still has yours truly rattled! Huzzah to Lions Gate for laying aside its pride by offering an Unrated alternative to their dubbed disaster, plus enough behind-the-scenes and commentary time with Alex and Geg to make Hills Have Eyes devotees like yours truly anxious to see the Craven classick through their, um, eyes.

2. The Devil's Rejects -- FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBIRD!!! Rob Zombie's murderous motley crew certainly did fly in his impressive sophomore effort that feels less like a House of 1000 Corpses sequel and more like Peckinpah's The Wild Bunch as interpreted by Charlie Manson. This highway to hell alongside three midnight riders on the lam, otherwise known as The Devil's Rejects, also packed on the extra goodies.

3. The Fly -- Fans fussed. Even fumed. Now, there's real reason to buzz. After five long years, Fox finally revisited their double-feature release of The Fly with a double-disc reissue so irresistible that many a CineSchlocker nearly snapped an arm rifling through oodles of extras -- including the infamous monkey-cat scene!!! That's reason alone to earn this year's CineSchlockers' Choice award.

4. Inside Deep Throat -- Documentarians Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato joyfully (and brilliantly) chronicle the Triple-X cultural climax which pushed porn from 42nd Street to Main Street and, more critical to schlockmeisters, abruptly ended the peek 'n' tease era of the Dave Friedmans and Doris Wishmans of the sinema scene. The disc's also packing enough below the digital belt to make Linda Lovelace nervous.

Warm soul that he is, Seduction Cinema grand poobah and CineSchlocker idol Mike Raso attempts to dry my tears with a cheery bit o' Yuletide news: Misty Mundae will appear as Misty Mundae at Fangoria's Weekend of Horrors in Chicago this March ...

POLLS CLOSED!

It's that time again! Last year, readers of CineSchlock-O-Rama selected Anchor Bay's mammoth Dawn of the Dead: Ultimate Edition as the fourth recipient of the CineSchlockers' Choice award for 2004's best genre DVD. Now it's time to honor the finest of 2005!!!

Lots to choose from! Will it be The Fly? High Tension? Predator 2? Maybe Inside Deep Throat? You decide! E-mail your nominee, and when you do, be sure to tell us why you made your selection. Results will be posted along with the top 10 picks of yours truly on Dec. 26th. Vote today!

Update 12/15 ...

LEADING NOMINEES (in alphabetical order):

Cannibal Holocaust
The Devil's Rejects
The Fly

OTHER NOMINEES

The Blind Dead Collection
Fire & Ice
The Fly 2
House of Wax (2005)
Inside Deep Throat
King Kong (1933)
The Pinky Violence Collection
The Stink of Flesh
The Van Lewton Horror Collection

PREVIOUS PICKS

DOWNLOAD MP3 (14 mins, 8 mb)

In a schlockmeister-meets-schlockmogul dream come true, yours truly talks shop with CineSchlocker royal Roger Corman (!!!) who recently signed an ever-so-shrewd deal with Mickey's Buena Vista Home Entertainment to distribute his historic catalog of more than 400 flicks. In this exclusive interview, discover why the move was key, get schooled by The King of Bs on the economics of successful sequels, ponder the rebirth of creature features and more! Listen using this handy player or download the complete schlockcast (14 mins, 8 mb).

First of the title tidal wave to hit shelves are truly special editions of Death Race 2000, Rock 'n' Roll High School and Big Bad Mama. Plus, proving how with-it Roger's Disney deal is -- just imagine eyeballing Death Race or Rock 'n' Roll High on your PSP!?! Oh, and let us not forget the digital debut of Roger's latest critter run amok -- DinoCroc -- who Corman winkingly wonders might be kin to Carnosaur.

DOWNLOAD MP3 (30 min, 18 mb)

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBIRD!!!

Rob Zombie's murderous motley crew certainly do fly in his impressive sophomore effort that feels less like a House of 1000 Corpses sequel and more like Peckinpah's The Wild Bunch as interpreted by Charlie Manson. In this schlockcast, yours truly hits the highway to hell with three midnight riders on the lam otherwise known as The Devil's Rejects. Get the skinny on which of the 2-disc set's oodles of extras are most worth your peeper time.

Ever think there could be such a thing as too many zombies? The genre's relentless reanimation rages on in the land down under with Undead and a George Romero fave gets a half-star slap with Day of the Dead 2: Contagium. Plus, it turns out Lust in Space is actually the fourth (and final?) Erotic Witch Project flick! Listen using this handy player or download the complete schlockcast (30 mins, 18 mb).

SCHLOCKCAST STUDY GUIDE

- Devil's Rejects premiere: Red carpet interviews with grue slinger Wayne Toth, Brian Posehn "Jimmy Cracker," Bill Moseley "Otis Driftwood," William Forsythe "Sheriff Wydell," Lew Temple "Adam Banjo," Danny Trejo "Rondo," Ken Foree "Charlie Altamont," Sid Haig "Captain Spaulding," Sheri Moon Zombie "Baby Firefly" and Leslie Easterbrook "Mother Firefly."

- Banjo & Sullivan: The Ultimate Collection
- Daniel Roebuck's monster memorabilia
- House of 1000 Corpses
- Rob Zombie interview
- I Was a Teenage Zombie
- The Erotic Witch Project
- Erotic Witch Project 2: Book of Seduction
- Witchbabe: Erotic Witch Project 3

I've been ousted from Chiller's message board. Presumably because I submitted an apologetic link to my warts 'n' all report. However, they don't seem to mind featuring my previous coverage.

Make of this what you will.

MISTY MUNDAE 1997-2005

Misty's dead. At least as we knew her. Erin Brown, the actress behind B-sinema's biggest name, is still very much alive. Citing "bullshit legal stuff," Erin declined to elaborate on her parting with e.i. Cinema other than she "technically can't even say that I was Misty Mundae."

Erin's busy, though! She co-stars as Angela Bettis' lesbian love interest in "Sick Girl" -- Lucky McKee's Masters of Horror contribution. She recently shot The Lost, which Lucky also produced. Of course, Erin's alter ego still has flicks on the way, such as Brett Piper's Shock-O-Rama. Yet, sadly, barring some change of heart, Misty Mundae's obit is written.

FIVE FAVE MISTY MEMORIES

- Play-Mate of the Apes
- Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String
- Dr. Jekyll & Mistress Hyde
- Erotic Survivor
- Misty Mundae: Mummy Raider

Maybe I should thank them. Being fleeced by J.R. and Connie Mason probably curbed my spending among the miles of dealer tables. I lingered over of NECA's prototypes for upcoming Cult Classics figures -- featuring Dawn of the Dead's Flyboy and Bubba Ho-Tep himself! They say we can expect Bruce Campbell as Elvis in the next wave! Forgot to ask if the elder "E" will come with a walker -- or whether he'll be paired with Ossie Davis as JFK. In stores now are The Tall Man and a fresh Leatherface.

It was also cool to see how Anchor Bay packages some of its foreign DVD releases. Phantasm in a silver sphere of death. Hellraiser in a jumbo puzzle box. Probably did my biggest double-take at the Krypt Kiddies booth, though. So that's how John Wayne Gacy looked as a baby!?!

As I ranted before, with the dealer rooms effectively on lock down all Saturday afternoon, it was actually pretty easy for the leering press to speedily survey the available goodies. On previous trips -- 2001, 2002, 2003 -- I'd exhausted every moment of the 3-day convention. But I'd had it after almost six hours of the unorganized endurance challenge Chiller's become. Not even their legendary costume contest could keep me from beating feet outta there.

For fans' sake, let's hope Chiller returns as the world's premiere horror convention -- and not just a horror.

"If you can't find a friend -- make one."

Actually, I made two! Enchantress Angela Bettis and director Lucky McKee of May. Lots going on with these two. Lucky is just off Showtime's Masters of Horror where he subbed for a sidelined Roger Corman. While Angela recently directed Lucky in the title role of Roman -- an upcoming companion piece to May! (Excuse me while I squeal like a giddy school girl!) Speaking of, Lucky's next feature, The Woods, takes place at an all-girls boarding school.