Few thrills equal watching a Christmas comedy in January, but what a special stocking stuffer I received when a rotted, worm-infested sugar plum called A Christmas Too Many showed up in my mail box. Straining on the bowl of "outrageousness," A Christmas Too Many is a vile little present from a one Stephen Wallis, who admits to writing and directing this pathetic excuse for a comedy. Hopefully, this review, although ill-timed, may stave off potential buyers with a gift-card burning a hole in their pocket, looking for a post-seasonal DVD bargain.

The plot, if you can call it that, details the typical holiday shenanigans most of us get up to when our wacky friends and family show up for Christmas dinner. Lana (Ruta Lee), a horny (she asks her granddaughter how big her boyfriend's penis is), foul-mouthed Oscar-winning actress is hosting the feast at her Malibu, California home. Son-in-law Harry (Sam McMurray), the hunter in the family, always provides meat for the table on Christmas, but since deer and turkey are scarce in Malibu, the escaped guinea pigs from next door will have to do. His stalking of these harmless animals doesn't sit well with his oblivious wife June (Marla Maples), daughter of Lana, nor with his vegan son Jack (Austin O'Brien). His daughter Julie (Elisabeth Lund) isn't impressed with his hunting skills, either, but then again, she's more focused on her new boyfriend, Matt (Andrew Keegan), who's meeting her family for the first time.

Unfortunately, Matt falls in with Sonny (Kevan Michaels), Harry's nephew and Goodfellas-wannabe garbage man. Given the task of cutting up carrots for appetizers, Matt chops off his finger (complete with shots of blood splattering on Christmas cookies), which Sonny sews back on. More hilarity ensues when June's bitchy sister Sally (Melissa Wyler) shows up with her insane jock boyfriend Teddy (Greg Joelson), who regales the clan with tales of his various out-of-control bodily functions, due to the 'roids he's taking. More comedic gold is mined in various farcical set-ups, including the arrival of Sonny's goomba friend Johnny the Whack (Johnny Ferrara), as well as a pizza delivery man, played with all the delicacy and subtlety you'd expect from grizzled veteran Gary Coleman, in what one hopes is the twilight of his career. Then, we're treated to lots of running around, and some yelling, and Grandma "dying," and at one point, legendary Mickey Rooney (sinking about as low as his career could go) showing up and reading various cue cards before the final sit-down.

I only laughed once while watching A Christmas Too Many - and it wasn't from anything happening on the screen. About half-way through this interminable, ungodly mess, I looked up the culprits of this Yuletide log (see reference to "straining on the bowl..." above), only to read the biography of the writer/director. I urge you to visit it on the IMDB; it's far more hilarious than anything you'll see in A Christmas Too Many, and it doesn't cost anything. Evidently, the writer/director thinks that vulgarity and coarseness, unrefined by even a modicum of genuine wit or the basics of story construction, equals amusement. Actors swear often in A Christmas Too Many. And mug, and roll their eyes, and gape like fish with hooks in their mouths, and flail around, but never ever do they amuse. When supposedly the height of merriment in A Christmas Too Many is a whacked-out jock discussing - at length - the size and consistency of his bowel movements, delivered by an "actor" who possesses all the comedic finesse of someone reading an eye chart...well, you get the idea.

And what can be said about that eclectic cast! McMurray, whom I've always found funny, does a most dispirited walk-through for a character obviously modeled on Bill Murray's gopher-hating groundskeeper in Caddyshack. Ruta Lee is grating and brassy in her efforts to be adorably ballsy, and Mickey Rooney, a performer that Laurence Olivier no less once proclaimed the greatest film actor to ever grace the screen, totally undercuts his frequently stated aims to see true "family entertainment" return to theatres by appearing in this abhorrent, scurrilous crap. As for Marla Maples' acting chops, I understand she once slept with Donald Trump, a feat worthy of ten Oscars, but little of that intestinal fortitude is on display here. The rest of the cast is a collection of anonymous entities who, if Santa really does exist, shall remain so. To be fair, some of these actors may have survived A Christmas Too Many had they be given even a pittance of care and attention by the writer/director, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. Crude, digital lensing meets primitive, astoundingly incompetent framing, editing, and every other major element of filmmaking, to deliver a perfectly awful holiday gift for the unsuspecting.

The DVD:

The Video:
The anamorphically enhanced, 1.78:1 widescreen image for A Christmas Too Many is typically dark and blurry for a hi-def-shot, straight-to-garbage can release.

The Audio:
Unfortunately, the English 2.0 stereo audio mix is all too clear, bringing home the inane droppings of the screenwriter's efforts in crystal clarity. Spanish subtitles and English close-captioning is available.

The Extras:
There are no extras for A Christmas Too Many, except a lame "stills gallery" and some other lame trailers for Lionsgate junk.

Final Thoughts:
Why, Santa? What the hell did I do to you? Certainly one of the most nauseating Christmas movies that has been my distinct displeasure to see, A Christmas Too Many is a Christmas movie too unfunny, too stupid, too lame, too gross, too vulgar, too incompetent, too unoriginal, too self-satisfied, and far too long at 94 minutes (I recommend a running time closer to around three minutes). I've had car accidents I enjoyed more than this atrocity. Skip it.