This prequel (actually more of a NyQuil, sorry to say--it will numb every sense you possess and quickly put you to sleep) attempts to give the backstory of the character essayed by Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) in both The Mummy Returns and The Scorpion King. What we get is a setup more than a bit reminiscent of 300, with youths being schooled in the art of battle. One of the kids of course is Mathayus (does anyone use spellcheck in Hollywood?), here portrayed (once he reaches adulthood) by Michael Copon (famed for his brilliant interpretation of Blue Power Ranger). Of course Mathayus is everything noble and worthy, especially after he witnesses his father being killed by a bunch of magically transported scorpions. Mathayus' nemesis in this shoddy enterprise is evil Sargon, a henchman who becomes King via black magic, portrayed in one of the most laughably inept performances ever caught on film by UFC champ Randy Couture. Anyone who claims that wrestling and its televised fighting ilk are performance art may want to reconsider that premise, at least insofar as it concerns Couture, who couldn't act his way out of a CGI paper bag. In the olden Golden Era, untrained talents who were given shots at celluloid stardom were at least given a dialogue coach to help them smooth their deliveries, something Couture is deeply, deeply in need of.

The Scorpion King: Rise of a Warrior also features a by the numbers battle babe (Karen David) and wisecracking sidekick (Simon Quarterman), who join Mathayus on his literal trip through hell (why should we viewers be alone in that regard?) to retrieve the Sword of Damocles, the one weapon which can dislodge Sargon from his throne. Everything about this "hero's quest" smacks of a CliffsNotes version of Joseph Campbell combined with Screenwriting for Dummies. Directed by Russell Mulcahy, who managed to squeeze out one pretty good film, the original Highlander, before evidently suffering an irreversible cerebral hemorrhage which consigned him to straight to video knockoffs and rock concert fare, the film has none of the visual sweep of the Stephen Sommers efforts. The CGI is also bargain basement, with some spectacularly amateurish animation.

Universal did this "one too many sequels" thing 60 years ago with their original quartet of monsters, The Mummy, Frankenstein, Dracula and Wolfman. You'd think that the intervening years would have taught them something, but, alas, that other hero's quest--the one for the almighty DVD dollar--probably overshadowed any saner heads. My gut feeling is this abominable effort is going to tank big time, which goes to show you that some quests come up empty handed.

The Blu-Ray Disc

Video:
The enhanced 1.78:1 1080p VC-1 transfer is fine for what it is--basically a glorified made for television movie, which is exactly what it looks like. There is nothing even close to reference quality Blu-Ray material here. Colors are somewhat muted, tending toward browns and beiges, but clarity is excellent. The CGI and matte work just looks terrible, probably only enhanced by Blu-Ray's sharper image.

Sound:
The DTS 5.1 mix is nominally better, with good use of separation and excellent clarity. Some attention to detail has been expended on channel use, with some excellent LFE and use of surround sound. Dialogue, such as it is, is clear and the mix of sound effects and the pretty abysmal underscore is also well balanced. If only there were something worth listening to. English, French and Spanish subtitles are available.

Extras:
I'm not sure if this is a first, but the Blu-Ray edition of this modern classic contains none of the extras of the SD edition. Hmmmm...is someone trying to tell us something? There is a "My Scenes" option, where you can bookmark your favorite scenes and play them over and over again. I dare you to find one.

Final Thoughts:
This is one of the most lamentable knockoffs I've had the displeasure of sitting through recently. I have an idea for a hopefully final sequel--the Mummy and the Scorpion King in a battle cage, a la UFC, fight to the death. Hopefully both of them can mercifully die, putting us all out of our misery.

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"G-d made stars galore" & "Hey, what kind of a crappy fortune is this?" ZMK, modern prophet